Overwhelmed

Playing with Playdough that a dear friend brought over for him. One of the few times he perked up while he was home.

So, today was a doozy.  It began with jumping out of bed at 6:30am to the sound of Nate starting to throw up.  I ran to his room in time to coach him through some gagging.  Chris was in the shower and comes in to Nate's room shortly after, hunched over in pain...soon, rolled up in a ball on the floor in pain.  I knew immediately that it was a kidney stone because he had one when I was pregnant with Ellie and I remember the pain he was in.  He apparently had been up for a couple hours trying to will the pain away and not mess up the plan we had for the day.  I quickly rallied our troops.  Papa took Chris to the ER, Lizzy came and picked up Ellie, Grandma came to take Wes to school, and Lou Lou came with me and Nate to the clinic.  Happy to report that Chris felt much better after they gave him morphine and by the time he got the xrays and CT done, the stone had finished it's painful decent in to the bladder.  He is doing fine.

Nate was pretty much the same as he has been, but seemed to perk up a bit when he got to see all his sweet friends (nurses) at the clinic.  They drew his blood...then the bad news started.  His platelets were low.  Ok, pretty much expected something like that.  His electrolytes were also dangerously messed up.  His sodium, potassium and phosphorous were extremely low.  If the sodium gets too messed up it can cause seizures, the potassium can cause heart problems.  He needed this to get fixed.  At first we thought they were going to put an NG tube in and send us home with a solution of electrolytes and some nutrition to put in the tube. The doctors had their morning meeting and decided that Nate needed to be admitted to the hospital.  The thing I was dreading.  I have mixed feelings.  On one had, I of course want Nate to be safe and have all the care he needs.  On the other hand, I hate the hospital.  I just want to be home and be a Mommy to all 3 of my sweet, sweet kids.  It kills me that I don't get to spend the time with them that I so desperately want to.

So, we hung out at the clinic all day and Nate got fluids and platelets.  Then we checked in to the hospital and they will watch him closely and make sure his electrolytes are correcting.  Now, why were his electrolytes so messed up?  We won't know completely until the kidney doctor sees him in the morning, but they think the chemo did some damage to his kidneys, on top of the fact that he was vomiting so much.  The damage should reverse itself, but he will have to take an electrolyte solution until it does...then round 5 he will get hit with the same nasty drug again.  He may still need to get an NG tube.  That will be decided over the next few days in the hospital, depending on how he does.  We are trying to avoid the tube, but will of course do what we have to do.  Once we checked in to the hospital he seemed to have perked up quite a bit and was interested in eating Cheetos, so I'll take that as a good sign.  Lou Lou is nice enough to stay with him tonight, so Chris and I can get a good night of sleep.  We haven't had one in almost 2 weeks and Chris especially didn't sleep last night.  Then, all the grandparents will take turns with Nate at the hospital tomorrow while Chris and I work.  He will be in the hospital for several days at least...they have to check him day to day to see how he is improving before they will know when he will come home.

Tonight, I left the hospital and went to a "fundraising meeting" that our friend, Jen, set up.  I wanted to try and make it to the meeting to answer any questions people had.  I walked up to that Starbucks and see all the sweet people gathered inside to discuss helping my little boy and my family.  I immediately started crying.  My day was fairly overwhelming, with all the stress we had been through, but that's not why I feel overwhelmed.  I feel overwhelmed with love and support.  Our day began with all of our family swooping in and scooping us up when we needed it most and ended with a beautiful group of family, friends and friends of friends all taking time out of their busy lives to help us.  So...many...people.  When Nate was first getting diagnosed, I dropped to my knees, sobbing, repeating over and over again, "I can't do this".  Well, I was right...I can't do this...alone.  To everyone in our family, to everyone at that meeting tonight, to everyone who takes the time to make us a meal, send a gift, write a note, or email, or blog or Facebook comment, to donate or help raise funds, who says a prayer, gives a hug, or tells Nate's story.  Really...every little bit of it means so much to us.  On days like today, when I feel like I got slapped in the face again by cancer, all the people around us remind me that I CAN DO THIS.  I can be strong for Nate, and get him through this.  Thank you.  I love you all more than you know.