Day -3, -2, -1 and True Love

Day -3 was Valentine's Day...and also Nate's last day of chemo.  We had a nice day.  Grandma sat with Nate while I snuck away to Wes's school Valentine's Day party.  Wes was so cute.  He was so darn excited to go through all the Valentines from his classmates...all the kids were.  It was really precious to watch.  I got back to the hospital in time for Nate's pump to start beeping...complete...chemo complete!  Nate also received so many nice Valentines and presents, including a big box of goodies and a giant fortune cookie!  Thank you to everyone who sent him something.  He loved it all!  If anyone would still like to send him mail, please do.  We will be here awhile and he loves opening mail.  We have everything hung up around the room.

Day -2 I worked all day and Nate was well taken care of by Papa, Grandma and Linde.  This was the day that he started to decline a bit.  Not really eating anything and having bad diarrhea and more vomiting.  He threw up all over Softie and even though Grandma told me to bring a clean one (uhoh...don't tell Nate...we have 3 Softies), I forgot it at home.  After working 12 hours, doing some quick grocery shopping, grabbing clothes at home, driving down to the hospital, parking by the ER (because it's after 8pm) and walking through the whole hospital carrying a crap load of bags...I realized I left my phone in the car and Softie at home.  So, I walked back through the hospital and drove back up the 51 to rescue Softie.  I didn't get back to the hospital and Linde didn't go home until 11:30pm.

Today was Day -1.  Nate is continuing to decline and it sucks to watch.  He is still happy and in good spirits but he is super tired and doesn't really want to get up and walk around or play much anymore.  He has pretty much completely stopped eating and drinking and is having bad diarrhea.  The vomiting has gotten more frequent and he really turns green and starts heaving at the thought of putting anything in his mouth...food or anything.  This is all to be expected...it still stinks.

Tomorrow will be his transplant.  It is similar to a blood transfusion and the cells will be infused through his central line.  There is a possibility for a reaction, so he will be given a bunch of premeds and will probably sleep through the infusion, which should take about 30 minutes to an hour.  This will be occuring between 10 and 11am.  I would like to ask for everyone to take a moment, if you think of it, at around 10am tomorrow and say a prayer or think good thoughts for Nate and his cells.  That the chemo is doing it's job and has killed all those "cancers hiding in his belly", as Nate says, and that his cells will do their job and repair his bone marrow quickly and completely.  We expect Nate's worst week to be next week as the chemo continues to wreak havoc on his body, before he cells have a chance to do their job.

   On Valentine's Day I noticed there were two distinct camps on Facebook...those who love it and soaked up all the candy and flowers...and those who hate it.  I suppose I've always had a love/hate relationship with Valentine's Day myself.  When I was younger I hated it...always wishing some special boy (who didn't know I was alive) would be my Valentine.  Now, I've had the same special boy as my Valentine for the last 16 years (who gave me a mixed tape of punk rock songs for our first Valentine's Day, by the way).  As the years have wore on, Valentine's Day has become less about flowers and an expensive meal as it has about putting a smile on our kids faces and sneaking away to a movie by ourselves.  It's all very sweet, but none of the sickly sweetness of Valentine's Day is what love is all about.  Tonight as I was giving Nate a shower and rubbing cream all over his skinny body...it came over me...THIS is true love.   Of course I've known this for some time, but for some reason it really hit me.  Real love...true love is about the hard times.  I truly believe this.  It's easy to love when things are fun and light and fluffy.  True love is sitting by your baby's side and cleaning up blood, spit, vomit and poop...on no sleep...with a smile on your face, because you love them so much you would do absolutely anything for them.  This is what parents do...this is what cancer parents do 1000 fold.  True love is not being able to see, touch or really talk to your husband much for weeks on end but to know deep down in your soul that you will get through this even stronger than before.  True love is hard...but man, it is SO worth it.  I am truly blessed to have so much true love in my life...every day.