My Heroes

Any time I was asked to write about my hero as a child, I always wrote about my mom. I didn't really know the extent of her strength back then, but I knew she was heroic.

My family has been affected by a cancer before...addiction. Really, we've always been affected by it. My father was an alcoholic, probably his entire adult life, until it took his life at the age of 58. My mom was wise and brave and got us away from that situation, the best she could. Then, the cancer spread to my brother...a childhood cancer. Really, the situation we faced back then and what we are facing today are so completely similar, it's sick.

My brother was 16 years old...and he was sick. There is no known cure...only treatment. Treatment that does not have a very high success rate. Really, he had a much lower chance of survival than Nate does. My mom was brave and she was strong, when she really wanted to hide under her covers and never come out. She also used a whole lot of four letter words...I wonder where I get it from?! She found the best course of treatment she could for her baby, jumped in with both feet...and prayed.

She had to give up absolutely every idea she ever had of what my brother's path would be. His path had totally changed now. She traded in thoughts of high school proms and graduations for lots of stinky, recovering boys sleeping on our floor and sobriety anniversary chips. She let him stay out until all hours of the night forming bonds with these kids that were fighting the same fight as him. She bought him cigarettes because, crazy as it sounds, smoking is an important part of recovery for a lot of kids.

My brother had to do all the work...and still does to this day, but my mom was the strength and the backbone behind it all. We had no idea if this treatment would work for him. We operated on faith alone. Many, many kids did not make it out the other side. Addiction took many of their lives in one way or another. My brother is one of the lucky ones. Lucky that the treatment was the right one for him and that the hard work he does every day, has paid off.

My brother will have 15 years sober, next summer. He is a spectacular man, and has a beautiful wife and son. His life is different from the life I bet my mom had envisioned for him...it's better. I'm sure she never wanted her son to struggle with addiction. Yet, without the struggle, he would not be able to help all the people he is helping today that are going through the same thing. He would not have met his wife. He probably wouldn't be the amazing, honest, down to earth guy that he is. How could she ever have imagined this amazing path for her son.


I tell this story because it keeps me going on my hardest days. We LIVED through this. My son is only 2 years old and while I didn't think I had any preconceived notions about where his life was headed, I guess I did. My plan certainly didn't involve cancer. When Nate's treatments are over, cancer will never be completely out of our lives. Even after he has several years of remission and is considered "cured", he will always have to be followed for whatever effects the chemo and radiation leave behind. This was certainly never in my hopes and dreams for him. Then I remember my mom and my brother. There is no way that I can possibly foresee the beauty this will bring to all of our lives. So, I remember my heroes. My mom, my brother...and my son. I cling to their strength. For whatever reason, this is the path that God has chosen for us, I have to bravely walk along, one day at a time, and enjoy the beauty along the way.

To my mom...I'm so sorry you are having to go through this with us. I know this is as hard on you as it is on me. You have been through too much in your life already. Some things are just not fair! You deserve a much easier road than this. Thank you for standing with me in this fight. I love you more than you'll ever know.